Gratitude For Her Presence

I've had the blessing of caring for my mother the past three years and its been life changing.  For years my mother had been combative making it difficult to maintain a relationship with her, but with the onset of dementia which made her more dependent, she became more grateful for our help.  With increased dependency comes virtues crucial to building relationships.  In this new relationship, and in spite of how difficult it was to accept her declining condition, my mother and I have rebuilt our relationship.   

From the outside looking in it seems like a difficult if not unreal encounter with the person who has dementia.  I hear from others, and have thought to myself "She's not really here anymore" and "its not the mother I always knew".  Those thoughts seem true at first but ultimately they are a distraction from the reality.  She is there and I can know her and love her, differently and possibly even better than before but it takes patience.  

There are many times when my mother's personality comes out, when her person shines through the confusion.  Her time with her grandchildren is especially important.  When it comes to the grandchildren she cherishes her time with them and falls right into place as grandma.  The movement of her heart towards them tells a story that no cognitive test can tell.  There have been many great times with my mom enjoying the children, dancing with them, playing games and going to Church.  

AAMP Conference - What is it that urges us to care?

(October 27, 2012)

Last weekend, I attended the annual conference of the American Association of Medicine and the Person in New Jersey.  The theme for the conference was a question, what is it that urges us to care?  This is an important question not only for medical practitioners but also for nursing home administration and HR personnel.  Studies have shown that the main reason nursing assistants stay in their position is not primarily for pay or benefits but due to their caring relationship with the residents.  Here's what the AAMP had to say on the theme at the conference web site:

We hold that within us there is an original and indomitable urge to respond to the request for help from our patients.  The aspect of our humanity that urges us to care for others is the heart.

We heard from medical researchers devoted to Trisome 21 and breast cancer, hospital nurses, a hospital architect and even a clown from a children's hospital clown troop.  All made the effort to present their work in the context of the human heart, the people and experiences that motivate them.  The theme spoke volumes to my heart.  I made the journey from mechanical engineering to long term care administration by following my heart through a career change that involved several years of one on one care.  There is nothing more important than our relationship with the residents when it comes to this profession.   Repeatedly we hear that CNAs stay in their job because of their relationship with the residents.  It was true in my work history and studies like the one from Southern University in Louisiana confirm it.  There are many things we can do to improve the work experience of nursing home employees such as staff appreciation events, build supervisor-employee relations, critically assess work load and systems but enabling staff to listen to their heart and develop relationships with the residents is the most important.